Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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