how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
