OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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