my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
