wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
