and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
