When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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