Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
