Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he puts the penis in happiness.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize