she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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