if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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