I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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