she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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