fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
