Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
