I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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