If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
