why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
