So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
