haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
