He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
