worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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