I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
