its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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