I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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