is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its not stalking. its research.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
