No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
