how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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