I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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