I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
