Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
