What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
