When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
