the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
