can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
