i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
BRING THE BAGELS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
