Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
