So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
