The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
