This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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