Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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