He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize