i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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