It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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