Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
