I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Randomize
