I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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