I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
