so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
