I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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